My sweet Bella,
You are growing up much too fast to suit me. So much has been happening in your little life around you. Scary things.in the world , How do we explain this cruel world to you. We as parents struggle so hard with giving information to you so you will know more how to handle things than we did, but then we are faced with our babies dealing with adult situations and growing up too early. I just want you to be 8.
You have so much to deal with in your life already you shouldn’t have to have all the rest of the crapp that this world is dealing out, ya know. You seem to deal with it like a champ though, I have to tell you.
I fear some day you will need to discuss all this with your counselor and say yup back in 2012…. or whatever they call them when you hit 40 and have little kids running around of your own making your hair need “highlights.”
You are wise beyond your 8 years. Although, you are quick to let me know You are almost 9. You worry. ALOT. about everyone, especially me. I try to keep you from doing that. I hide I guess you say, maybe too much from you, about what is going on. Which makes your mind wonder the worse. Maybe I should explain more about what this is. Shingles scare you more than anything. My shots terrify you. I have tried to explain them that they are no big deal but you see the repercussions.To and 8 year old a shot is horrible and upchucking and a horrific rash well… ya. How do I get it to make sense to you when We can’t make it make sense to us?
You are very intelligent. I know when you are scared and worried. It shows in your school work. It shows in your behavior. I try to make up for it extra when I feel better. No amount of time, hugs, kisses or words can take it away I know. Maybe that’s why I scrapbook so much for you. Just to be sure you know?
You are growing up. You don’t need me to buckle your shoes any more. I made this realization today. It hit my heart. You are growing up so fast. Im so very proud of you.I hope you know that. You are such a smart girl. A brave girl. You make good decisions. You are so helpful and kind. You have such a beautiful heart. I don’t want ANYONE to change that. You do have your spunky side too. I like that too. You are funny. Very quick witted. You make me proud to be your mom.
You have always been independent. From the get go. The first look on your face when you came out was one of “OK where am I and lets get this show started.” You are so much like me there. Maybe that is why I am so protective of you in some aspects. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. Daddy and I also try to filter away the things that are damaging. I didn’t have that luxury. Maybe thats why we are so particular on the school you go to, the people you hang around, The things you do.. If we seem overly crazy on that JUST KNOW there is a reason. There is a method to the madness baby. It stems from the fact we love you and want the best for you.
I have been down some roads and made a lot of mistakes, have had a lot happen, seen many things, I do not want you to make those mistakes. I plowed those roads I experienced them. I don’t want you to. SO I put up the great big “DANGER DANGER SIGNS” so you won’t go there. NOT because I don’t want to be mean no wire hangers mom or for you to not have any fun, but, I don’t want you to experience the heart break, the pain, the disappointment. Yes I want to protect you. Its mothers instinct.
Did these experiences make me stronger? yes, Did I learn things from them, OHHHH yes, I can tell you a lot of things that DON’T work… But, I would much rather you learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of others than having to learn from the experience it yourself..the hard way. But if your anything like me you are probably going to have to take some of those bumps just to find out for yourself. KNOW your mama will be right here. waiting for you. Ready to listen and beat the bad guy with her shoe. dry your tears, whatever it takes.
So My sweet Bella.. all of 8 years old.. growing up way too fast.. my sassy little mini me. Slow down… Don’t be so closed off that you miss the point, open minds will open hearts, and just pass by that road there thats so bumpy that has been down by all of us. . Your mother has already been down that road. It is dark, it might look like it is lots of fun, (and at times ya it kinda was) but in the end… trust me. The one on the right… is the smart decision. Not because I said it was.. Because I lived it and have the battle wounds, scars, memories, and ya Im sure there are photos out there somewhere to prove it.
I love you baby….
|THEY ARE GROWING “UP”|
never forget…. you can always come home no matter what.