Dear Bella Bug welcome to 10….

This post is a couple days early. It is a hard one for me to write this year. I know I KNOW I say that every year. Ya see so much has happened this year in your life. You have had so many changes. Ones you don’t like. Ones that mama can’t fix. Gone are the days when you thought all I had to do was take off my shoe and things were all right with the world again because, Surely everyone would listen like you did when I yanked  my flip flop off THAT meant business. Not that I was  ALWAYS going to do anything but It was noisy.  Your attention was what usually needed getting and well, most of the time,  IT WORKED.The loud POP of a flip flop down on the ground or whatever was near would make you stop and turn your head.  You even would reference that when someone was doing something “My mommy will take off hers shoeee” that would fix it buddy. At least in your eyes it should..

You would tell Daddy that often!! hahaha.

Sorry. Wish  that worked on everything.  Your world is getting broader now as your getting older and you are learning things aren’t as easily fixed. You are a tender hearted person and I so love that about you. Yet, I fear for your heart, and how it will get hurt. I want to wrap it up in bubble wrap and protect it close to me. I know I can’t do that. You have to learn things and heartache sadly teaches us so much, Albeit painful, the lesson is usually the one not forgotten. I just do not want it to make you change. You are such a sweet soul,

giving and kind.   As you get older people can take advantage of that and harden you where you don’t want to be that person anymore.  You get where you feel kinda, well, not so smart and run over. So many times when I see red flags I jump and try to warn you when I probably need to let you learn on your own. You do have enough of my hardheadedness though, that you do it anyway and will have to see it for yourself, many times to get the message across. Gosh I wish it wasn’t that way.

I try to keep you from making so many of the horrific mistakes I made. Save you from yourself. I know you are only 10 and you don’t have a clue what I mean right now but looking back one day you will say “mommm! you could have said somethingg!!” Baby just know you wouldn’t have listened.

I didnt.

It is an ongoing battle for your daddy and I. We have this chance in life with this absolutely brilliant precious person. That we teeter on the edge of not wanting to mess up totally and not wanting to over protect, We don’t want to  let this horrible world damage you. Yet you need to know about life.  I know how damaged I am. I was very naive but the world got handed to me in a not so nice basket. all at one time.

BUT, I don’t want that to happen to you. I want you to be a child first and enjoy it. ENJOY THE ABSOLUTE heck out of it.

 

I know I am far from perfect. I want so much better for you  my baby. Why do you think we sacrifice and work so hard. Why do you think I bust my butt so hard in a gym sweating and biking on that bicycle that goes no where? lifting weights and trying to get off these medications that make me feel all weird. So I can make memories with you and daddy. So I will feel like doing things with yall and not want to just lay around feeling horrible and icky.  I want to be here to see you graduate. Daddy works hard to give you the life you have. We both while you are fussing about our life changes, are trying to eat healthy and exercise so we will be around so we can see you  get married and have babies. That is a grown up thing I was talking about that you don’t have to worry about when your a kid. We do because ya we are old now.  Like when we listen to our music that was SOOO COOOL in our day and we dance and sing really loud and you give us THIS FACE:

You will see Your kids are going to do that to you 🙂 I repeated the hex my father put on me to you 🙂

I know you had some tough blows this year. (losing some special ones)  I know you had some happy times too. (disney)

Right now though. I want you to Try to do something for me. I want you to focus on being you.  I know you keep saying you hate this “being a kid stuff.” Trust me it goes by sooooooooo fast. cherish it. You have so much time to worry about being older. Everything changes then. You have to worry about  so many different things then. I know you don’t  like being told what to do,  Hate to tell you but it is a part of life you need to get used to. Someone is always going to be telling you something to do. If you come to terms with that now. life will be easier. It is ok not to like it. BUT, accept that it will happen and don’t be disrespectful. Or I can say it this way. GET OVER IT. It is gonna happen forever?  which way do you like better. I am 43 I still get told what to do.Ask your father he is shaking his head “YUP”

You go to work you will be told what to do. You will be happy in some cases for someone to tell you what you need to do. so DON’T count that out just yet. IT IS NOT A BAD THING. Look at it as DIRECTION.  IF your teacher didn’t tell you what to do.  You wouldn’t learn anything. How would you play guitar if they didn’t tell you or show you? So look at it from another perspective. I know what you mean though. You mean bossy telling what to do all the time. When you want to do what youuu want to do. again, part of life. it is gonna happen. This is one of those hate to break it to you things but you need to realize and accept the fact yup. Everyone gets told what to do.  Manners on the other hand there is no excuse. People can say please and thank you and yes You need to do that 🙂

You have enough to deal with just  being a kid. Let us worry about the adult things ok? You don’t have to worry with the responsibilities of the world and houses and taxes and how you will pay for this and that.. Where your kid will go to school and please let their friends be good people and make good choices. This all sounds like purple purple purple to you right now I remember I rolled my eyes. but  I so get it now.

YOU may not like in your 10 year old mind what we are doing right now but in 20 years looking back you might understand why we have done some of the things like make you eat certain things, or go to bed instead of staying up, or not spend the night with someone, or many other things you do not agree with right now that seem “lame-o”

I want you not to stress so much. Not worry about what other kids are “doing” or thinking. Who cares.   I give you permission openly for someone not to like you. IN FACT I do not want everyone to like you. If everyone did that meant you were conforming to the ways of the earth just to make everyone be your pal. ughhhhh NADA. That would be a politician. BE YOU. You are awesome just the way you are.

You are a pretty cool kid. You are smart, funny, know the right thing to do, you are pretty and don’t need to worry about these smack talkers that have these icky things to say. If that is the best they can come up with is a negative comment about you or one of your friends. They need to concentrate more time and energy on positive things and they must not be very smart.

I mean look how creative you were on April fools day…

Look at the ones you hang around with. I would much rather you hang around with nice girls that you know will be there for you when times are rough. Than  kids that are going to make fun of you behind your back and call you names. NOt telling you to be mean to them just don’t let your ears work. Filter them.

There is no room in your life to add that to your circle of friends. We have talked about it. This will serve you valuable from now until forever. IF you start now you wont have a problem. Look at your best friend.

Yall have been friends since you started walking and you remain tight. I have no worries. Don’t let your feelings get hurt by the bad taste of other people. BUT it is not an excuse to be mean back. . Just politely walk away. now if they keep at you. that’s another conversation.  You with me? You be nice but don’t take meanness.   You have the power not them. DONT LET THEM TAKE YOUR POWER. stay positive kiddo.

You have so much Joy and light in your heart that needs to be shared.  USE IT.  I see it all the time.    That is my Bella. You have so much positive with you my baby girl. So much love so much hope. Nothing is holding you back Don’t stand in your own way.  We are here to guide you. God gave you to us   as a beautiful gift.   Everything we truly ever wanted. PLUS.    THIS mama will never give up on you,  or let you slide.   She loves you way too much.  You are everything. Your daddy and I could ever dream of.  just the way you are.  SO JUST BE YOU.  

We love you baby It has been an amazing Ten years.   I thank the lord for choosing me to be your mom!  Happy Birthday sweet heart.  xoxox

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Kickin’ it where it counts.

So I have been doing this “work out stuff” a lot. I can see a HUGE difference. Especially since November. We have had as you can look back and see SO VERY MUCH happen in our lives since then. TOO MUCH.  Seems like it is always something.  Guess that is called life.  This is that difficult time in life where too much stuff changes. I don’t like that.

My Dr. wrote me this prescription He is very creative in dealing with my  hardheadedness  he is cool that way, guess he knows me too well, that told me I HAD NO CHOICE but to reduce stress, get rid of  any and ALL, negativity in my life if I wanted to see my daughter grow up.  Ya kick you in the gut why don’t ya? He knows how to get to me.

Ya that makes you stop and think about your circle. NOT just the one around your waist. When my Mother In Love died, and it tore my heart out.  BUT, it really made me stop and evaluate a lot. What was I wasting time on and WHO? I was nottt in a good place. Felt myself going right back to where I was in 1995.  I had 2 well I guess you could say a few MAJOR differences though. I had this AMAZING man, I love more than anything in this world, that is my husband, this child that I prayed for desperately and would do anything for, that needed her mother.

I also had  been going to P T & N  the awesome little  Gym that has been helping me fight my way back from the horrific pain of M.S.  It is awesome. The owners are amazing.  So is the staff there. NO secret  how much I think of them.  Jan Horn, Mike’s  wife is so amazing. Her story is phenomenal. She is so strong.  Very inspirational. Very supportive. I really relate to her.  Mike Horn(aka as I call him The Hulk) is very uplifting and supportive Very encouraging and cheers us on.  His trainers  are great. They push you to do your best.  BUT are creative with how they keep you working your cognitive skills (reverse your workout, change it up add things, LOVE IT!!! Always challenging you)

They are ALWAYS Very Positive. There are so many people there in worse shape with illness and things going on that fight so hard to be better. YOU CANNOT HELP BUT feel uplifted when you go there.  They  have helped me in more ways than you can ever imagine.  I don’t think they even know.  I owe them so much. literally I don’t think they really know what they have done for my family.

What they are doing physically for MS is astounding. I have finally found something that works for me.  So yeah I will shout it from the roof tops.  I know it works too because when I eat something wrong… I start hurting and feel like yuck. so I keep at it. NOT JUST M.S. either Arthritis, diabetes, lupus,  joint replacements I can’t tell you all the different illness people fight that come in there.  UNREAL.  I am telling you its awesome!

I have so many goals now.

I had not been doing that before.

I had lost so much confidence and basically respect for myself. I focused on what I USED TO BE.  NOW.. I am looking forward to things.  I get so excited about well EVERYTHING. It has bled over into our daily life I encourage Bella more on everything and try to get her to focus more on goals and GRADES (hahahaha ya) I now think if I clean up her diet she would do better in school. YA SHE LOVESSS ME for that!!!! My husband has lost weight because of my “healthy eatin crapp” he secretly loves it. well on me he does.  HE won’t say it but I KNOW he is proud… and a little worried . Especially when I am getting where I can kick his butt. (as if there was a question hahahaha yes thats a challenge baby) He likes it rough.  (just seein if your really reading this)

So ya this is an about me post.  an update per say. But mostly a GRATEFUL thank you. I never say it enough. For the people who have been tortured with  food on facebook and my work out posts. Sorry but It will keep happening.  My continuous  pinterest posts trying to keep myself focused that I CAN AND WILL DO THIS. They are to remind MY SELF mainly that ya this is hard but I have this kid.. that needs her mom, and if you know me you know I have to refocus myself CONSTANTLY. I see something shiny and Im gone…. That will keep happening too.

For all my work out posts saying I did this and I did that I ate this or I’m having a hard time with that today.  It is called accountability. I have people that bust my butt when I do bad and cheer me forth when I do right. THANK YOU for muttling through it. NOT saying there won’t be more.  Because It will be and I KNOW that IT will get harder.

 Summer is coming that is when the tough work begins. Thanks so VERY MUCH to the P T &N people for working out with me and all the encouragement. Yall are so awesome.   The staff the people that go there, everyone. They are like this family of knowledge.  Everyone has their own battles everyone is fighting something has been through something or is going through their own battle.  Makes you feel encouraged to be around such strength.

Thanks to my Hubby and daughter for supporting my eating and exercising and coffee faces and  obsessive waterrrrr drinking. THEN  running to the bathroom mid sentence (see waterrrr) love ya biggg!  Just everyone for supporting me in my circle.  Changes are hard.   Especially when you don’t have support. so It makes it easier when you do.  And don’t worry about the ones that don’t My ears don’t work that well with ear buds in with applause playing.

So you may wonder what all this is for? WHY I have been doing all this. LIFE. NO PAIN,  MAKING IT THROUGH SUMMER.  That is when I am at my worse.  BUT this year I am working hard now to see that I can tolerate this heat. You know how it is in lower Alabama. GET THIS though. I KNOW it is working. I have been able to sweat and get hot in the gym and I have been able to go a little longer and longer before I get to  that ok I am going to pass out feeling and all noodley legs.  I went longer today than I have gone EVER. Each time I push and push a little harder a little further than I am used to.

so I am positively believing I am going to make it just fine this year.   I am tired of hurting all the time. I don’t want to take all these meds and want to make memories not misery with my family.  So my current goals through summer are:

NO relapses

NO hospital stays

NO iv’s

NO steroid treatments

NO big time meds to go on

NO blindness be it partial, color or drop shadows, keep vision stable.

NO anything to assist walking or well ANYTHING. stay in attic! BAM!

NO stepping back

Just hard work outs

Eating right

staying focused

staying positive

stress less

This time last year. Well the last 3 years I have been in the hospital so I can mark that off my list. So as far as I am concerned..  I am doing them, Have been doing them. Will continue to.   Gonna mark these off  have come through so many already.    Waiting to hear MRI results I am going with no news.. is good news.   I want fun things this summer more photos with my daughter more memories and  fun. Not pain and  yuck.  SO… I want to thank those that support our circle  It is deeeply appreciated.  I am going to continue the hard part.  The work! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Wish big!!!!!

NancyJ!

NEW MONTH lets get those Goals GOIN!

It is a new month which means we have a NEW start. can make new monthly goals with new ideas new challenges and new successes. AREN’T YOU EXCITED?????

YOU SHOULD BE. Think of all the possibilities.  Look back at March at what you accomplished.  Things that you did good also at maybe the ones not so good or think of ways you can improve.  Maybe some things you didn’t get to finish.  THEN DO IT!

I know one thing I always want to do and never seem to manage is the Photo of the day challenges. I have the best intentions. I never seem to keep up with the list… ugh. I am going to do better this month.  I also need to back up my photos and my documents on my computer better.  EVERY MONTH. To disc and to an online source. Start printing them again.

Scrapbook more!

This time of year especially since we just had Easter always reminds me   new birth and new beginnings.

Easter is so  much more than the Easter bunny. Ya we have fun with that too BUT primarily it is about sacrifice.   Suffering and one man taking on the suffering of the world to save us. Quite amazing if you think about it. I can’t imagine being Mary.  Our family watched The Bible and it was cool to hear my daughter take the opportunity to ask the questions and the right questions at that. She wanted to fact check.   Ya know, Make sure it was accurate.  I love that.  Dunno WHEREEE she gets this from.

I gave her permission to ask important questions a long time ago just as my parents did.  I won’t insult her intelligence by shushing her I will help her find her answers.

The Easter Bunny was very Good to her

 

and he was a very Creative Bunny this year.

 

 

 

She has recently gotten Glasses she looks so grown up (pout) so he got her this really cool glasses case. He has impeccable taste mind you. SHE LOVED IT.  He must have known about her tape obsession.  Such a smart bunny.

 

We had spent the evening before  after I took my evening walk/jog through our neighborhood

 

She found a sprinkler to run through… a few times mind you.

 

We settled in and dyed Easter Eggs after a lovely meal John made us.  (thank you my hunny)

She wanted to dye eggs with her BFF Eva but she had plans then had to do some things at home. SO they spent time together over Facetime dyeing eggs together and discussing the ins and outs of the Easter Bunny. Tracking where he was and calculating JUST what time they had to go to bed before he would make it to Mobile. We didn’t have such Hi Tech equipment. We had Woody Asep on channel 3 news with push pins and a map saying where he was and to GO TO BEDDDDDD… Goood ol days. ya. I miss em.

 

Tracking the Easter Bunny Via phone apps. Too Hi Tech for this mom.

She left the E.B. some carrots pita chips (2 kinds just in case) and a nice refreshing glass of ice water. put it in this garden basket so Charley wouldn’t get it (he thinks he is a goat he will eat ANYTHING literally)  The princess plate was just a decorative bonus. FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLY… she went to bed.  With 2 exhausted parents.

Easter Bunny rocks. He even brought this SQUEAKY crackely carrot to Charley that he squeaks and chases us around with continuously. THANKS FOR THAT E.B.  Guido and the cats got treats they were thrilled!

You saw all the stufff Bella got. insane. LuLU her stuffed lamb got a big sister. It is huge. Her Lamb collection is growing. Just like her snow globe collection.

She dove into That big ol basket. So funny. She got some cool stuff. Not thaaat much candy Thank you Easter Bunny. Charley Spazzed over the dancing wind up little Cinderella thingy. A few other of the little toy things. She LOVED the books.  FUZZY sleep pants. (she needed those bad) she is growing like a pasture weed.  Lots of odd and end things manicure sets and lip smackers lip balm no nail polish though (praise jesus)  Some cool things for her room. Door hanger organizer thingys. Flip flops (the princess slipper of the south) can’t have enough of thoseeee!!!  So you see mostly STUFF.  2 of the books she can use for her Advanced Reading project at School which is awesome. They test on those and she gets credits and prizes.  SHE LOVESSSSSS the Dork Diaries series (IF ANY FAMILY IS INTERESTED)  And books on dogs or cats (5th grade and above please)

Later we went for our annual Egg hunt at Eva Carolines house. so fun. Just before it started storming.

Cannot get over how much these girlys have grown up. I have photos of their first Easter Egg hunt…. With their buckets on their heads. SOOO adorable. They still are..

My sweet Hubby surprised me with these gorgeous flowers Telling me how proud he was of me for all my hard work I have been doing. I sure do love that man.  I had just gotten a Gorgeous Easter Lilly so I was not expecting this. He said that was From Bella. THIS was from him. He knows I LOVEEE these hydrangias. Will be beautiful in our yard. A reminder of all my hard work and that he  got it for me.  🙂

We had our annual Strawberries and Bill’s famous home made whip cream over pound cake (I didnt eat the cake just the whip cream and strawberries HEY he makes amazing whip cream and I can’t be rude now) So yummy.

Was a beautiful day ended with it raining and everyone crashing to bed very tired even Charley was begging to go to sleep.

 

I did my walk/skip hop fast this morning with my pal Tara I didn’t run I know I am instructed to but I was whoooped. Tara is a GOOOD BIT taller than I am so I was bookin it to keep up with her. Is like walking with John.

We had this kitty Cat that kept following us was so funny it would lay down in front of us, get behind us and meow meow it just kept on and on

 

My word for the first photo of the day challenge was PLAY. I let Charley outside in the back yard with Guido when I got back from my walk/run/skip /hop with Tara. He was bouncing around the back yard trying to get Guido to play with him. I thought ok this is perfect for this challenge. So I went out there with just my phone and took a couple of pictures. They were so funny. Gosh they bring us such happiness.

Guido was not really having much of the Fetch game. He was more: You get it, I want you to loveeee on me.

Scratch me scratch me scratch my tummmmmmy mamaaaaaa pleaseeeeeeeeeeee!

Charley on the other hand was running around like he drank 4 of those redbull things…. boing boing boing barking his head off.

Then I threw the ball and he stoppped. Stared at me like I had two heads and one of them was on fire. looked at me sideways as if to say “If you wanted that ball.. then erughm WHYyyyy did you throw it? dummmy?” Then he turned and did the moonwalk little thingy on it and ran off. … little …… grrr.

YA… life is neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr dull here at the JONES residence. Always something to laugh about. Between critters and kids.  That is pretty much what life is about though.

Hope you had a good holiday weekend and made some new goals for this month. Tell me about them. I would love to hear them. If you would like to do the photo a day challenge as well let me know (IF I CAN FIND THE LIST I WILL SHARE WITH YOU HEHE)

 

Wish Big~

NancyJ