Dear Bella Bug welcome to 10….

This post is a couple days early. It is a hard one for me to write this year. I know I KNOW I say that every year. Ya see so much has happened this year in your life. You have had so many changes. Ones you don’t like. Ones that mama can’t fix. Gone are the days when you thought all I had to do was take off my shoe and things were all right with the world again because, Surely everyone would listen like you did when I yanked  my flip flop off THAT meant business. Not that I was  ALWAYS going to do anything but It was noisy.  Your attention was what usually needed getting and well, most of the time,  IT WORKED.The loud POP of a flip flop down on the ground or whatever was near would make you stop and turn your head.  You even would reference that when someone was doing something “My mommy will take off hers shoeee” that would fix it buddy. At least in your eyes it should..

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You would tell Daddy that often!! hahaha.

Sorry. Wish  that worked on everything.  Your world is getting broader now as your getting older and you are learning things aren’t as easily fixed. You are a tender hearted person and I so love that about you. Yet, I fear for your heart, and how it will get hurt. I want to wrap it up in bubble wrap and protect it close to me. I know I can’t do that. You have to learn things and heartache sadly teaches us so much, Albeit painful, the lesson is usually the one not forgotten. I just do not want it to make you change. You are such a sweet soul,

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giving and kind.   As you get older people can take advantage of that and harden you where you don’t want to be that person anymore.  You get where you feel kinda, well, not so smart and run over. So many times when I see red flags I jump and try to warn you when I probably need to let you learn on your own. You do have enough of my hardheadedness though, that you do it anyway and will have to see it for yourself, many times to get the message across. Gosh I wish it wasn’t that way.

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I try to keep you from making so many of the horrific mistakes I made. Save you from yourself. I know you are only 10 and you don’t have a clue what I mean right now but looking back one day you will say “mommm! you could have said somethingg!!” Baby just know you wouldn’t have listened.

I didnt.

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It is an ongoing battle for your daddy and I. We have this chance in life with this absolutely brilliant precious person. That we teeter on the edge of not wanting to mess up totally and not wanting to over protect, We don’t want to  let this horrible world damage you. Yet you need to know about life.  I know how damaged I am. I was very naive but the world got handed to me in a not so nice basket. all at one time.

BUT, I don’t want that to happen to you. I want you to be a child first and enjoy it. ENJOY THE ABSOLUTE heck out of it.

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I know I am far from perfect. I want so much better for you  my baby. Why do you think we sacrifice and work so hard. Why do you think I bust my butt so hard in a gym sweating and biking on that bicycle that goes no where? lifting weights and trying to get off these medications that make me feel all weird. So I can make memories with you and daddy. So I will feel like doing things with yall and not want to just lay around feeling horrible and icky.  I want to be here to see you graduate. Daddy works hard to give you the life you have. We both while you are fussing about our life changes, are trying to eat healthy and exercise so we will be around so we can see you  get married and have babies. That is a grown up thing I was talking about that you don’t have to worry about when your a kid. We do because ya we are old now.  Like when we listen to our music that was SOOO COOOL in our day and we dance and sing really loud and you give us THIS FACE:

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You will see Your kids are going to do that to you 🙂 I repeated the hex my father put on me to you 🙂

I know you had some tough blows this year. (losing some special ones)  I know you had some happy times too. (disney)

Right now though. I want you to Try to do something for me. I want you to focus on being you.  I know you keep saying you hate this “being a kid stuff.” Trust me it goes by sooooooooo fast. cherish it. You have so much time to worry about being older. Everything changes then. You have to worry about  so many different things then. I know you don’t  like being told what to do,  Hate to tell you but it is a part of life you need to get used to. Someone is always going to be telling you something to do. If you come to terms with that now. life will be easier. It is ok not to like it. BUT, accept that it will happen and don’t be disrespectful. Or I can say it this way. GET OVER IT. It is gonna happen forever?  which way do you like better. I am 43 I still get told what to do.Ask your father he is shaking his head “YUP”

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You go to work you will be told what to do. You will be happy in some cases for someone to tell you what you need to do. so DON’T count that out just yet. IT IS NOT A BAD THING. Look at it as DIRECTION.  IF your teacher didn’t tell you what to do.  You wouldn’t learn anything. How would you play guitar if they didn’t tell you or show you? So look at it from another perspective. I know what you mean though. You mean bossy telling what to do all the time. When you want to do what youuu want to do. again, part of life. it is gonna happen. This is one of those hate to break it to you things but you need to realize and accept the fact yup. Everyone gets told what to do.  Manners on the other hand there is no excuse. People can say please and thank you and yes You need to do that 🙂

You have enough to deal with just  being a kid. Let us worry about the adult things ok? You don’t have to worry with the responsibilities of the world and houses and taxes and how you will pay for this and that.. Where your kid will go to school and please let their friends be good people and make good choices. This all sounds like purple purple purple to you right now I remember I rolled my eyes. but  I so get it now.

YOU may not like in your 10 year old mind what we are doing right now but in 20 years looking back you might understand why we have done some of the things like make you eat certain things, or go to bed instead of staying up, or not spend the night with someone, or many other things you do not agree with right now that seem “lame-o”

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I want you not to stress so much. Not worry about what other kids are “doing” or thinking. Who cares.   I give you permission openly for someone not to like you. IN FACT I do not want everyone to like you. If everyone did that meant you were conforming to the ways of the earth just to make everyone be your pal. ughhhhh NADA. That would be a politician. BE YOU. You are awesome just the way you are.

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You are a pretty cool kid. You are smart, funny, know the right thing to do, you are pretty and don’t need to worry about these smack talkers that have these icky things to say. If that is the best they can come up with is a negative comment about you or one of your friends. They need to concentrate more time and energy on positive things and they must not be very smart.

I mean look how creative you were on April fools day…

Image Look at the ones you hang around with. I would much rather you hang around with nice girls that you know will be there for you when times are rough. Than  kids that are going to make fun of you behind your back and call you names. NOt telling you to be mean to them just don’t let your ears work. Filter them.

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There is no room in your life to add that to your circle of friends. We have talked about it. This will serve you valuable from now until forever. IF you start now you wont have a problem. Look at your best friend.

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Yall have been friends since you started walking and you remain tight. I have no worries. Don’t let your feelings get hurt by the bad taste of other people. BUT it is not an excuse to be mean back. . Just politely walk away. now if they keep at you. that’s another conversation.  You with me? You be nice but don’t take meanness.   You have the power not them. DONT LET THEM TAKE YOUR POWER. stay positive kiddo.

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You have so much Joy and light in your heart that needs to be shared.  USE IT.  I see it all the time.    That is my Bella. You have so much positive with you my baby girl. So much love so much hope. Nothing is holding you back Don’t stand in your own way.  We are here to guide you. God gave you to us   as a beautiful gift.   Everything we truly ever wanted. PLUS.    THIS mama will never give up on you,  or let you slide.   She loves you way too much.  You are everything. Your daddy and I could ever dream of.  just the way you are.  SO JUST BE YOU.  Image

We love you baby It has been an amazing Ten years.   I thank the lord for choosing me to be your mom!  Happy Birthday sweet heart.  xoxox

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